A Tongue-In-Cheek Look At Being A Business Owner

We see you! You’ve been working hard to get your business to the place that it is today. Kudos! You have made a name for yourself in your industry, you have a steady stream of clients, and you are making a profit. What now?

Well, it never hurts to determine if there are areas in your day-to-day workday that can be improved. Like, for example, your likability. Or your awesomeness. Or just overall things that can make you a better business owner and a better person to work with; And isn’t that what everyone wants? So let’s have some fun. Below are some – lighthearted, of course – Do’s and Don’ts that will make you a better business owner. 

Do Learn Your Employees Names

Even though its easier to say, Hey you, Hey whats-your-name, and Hey Paycheck Lady, every time to you talk to Susan in Accounting, it hurts her feelings. And after all, she has been your employee for five years. We think it’s about time you learn, and use, her real name. 

Don’t Wear Boring Clothes To Work

Did grandma get you another tie with cats on it for Christmas? What are you waiting for? Rock that awesome accessory! Hell, take it to the next level and wear some socks with pictures of tacos on them too. Trust us, this is what people want to see. It helps to stimulate the brain and make your staff more productive. 

Do Prank Co-Workers As Much As Possible

Forget to pay them, fill their cubicles with packing peanuts, tell them they’re fired and make them cry. Employees LOVE when you make the work place fun. 

Don’t Forget Your Coworkers and Clients Birthdays

Not only should you remember birthdays but you should help them celebrate at work. Hire a Singing Telegram dressed as a scary clown, throw a pie in their face when they are on an important call… These are things that make birthdays memorable.

Do Make Your Employees Work A Lot Of Overtime

Trust us, employees LOVE working overtime, especially on Friday nights or over the weekend. They love it even more when you don’t pay them extra to do it too!

Don’t Return All Your Messages and Emails

You can return some of them, but not ALL of them. You never want to seem too eager or available. That would be silly. 

Do Bring Food For You Employees

Seriously, you should be doing this every day. Actually, take it a step further and just give them your credit card and let them go to lunch. It helps bring up the morale in the workplace. 

(Another fun tip: Eat their food in the refrigerator as much as possible. That cracks people up!)

Don’t Give Employees Holidays Off

Why would anyone want a holiday off anyways? Also, it’s easier to drive to work on holidays because everyone is at home, so you are actually doing them a favor. You’re such a extraordinary boss. 

Do Always ‘Reply All’ On All Emails

It helps everyone stay in constant contact and it gives them a lot of notifications on their phone. That is what people in a booming workplace prefer. 

Also, try to send as many group texts as possible. It’s all about constant communication. 

Do Decorate Your Work Space Nicely

Spend the extra money and time to make sure your work space properly represents your brand. Hanging pictures of 80s Boy Bands… painting all the walls bright green… using bean bag chairs instead of couches wherever possible. These are things that clients will notice and love. 

Don’t Add All Your Clients To You Personal Social Media Accounts. 

Who are we kidding? You should absolutely add all clients AND coworkers to your personal social media accounts. And after you do, make sure to update them as often as possible about things like your political views, when you are at the gym, and when you are drinking coffee. 

Do Bring Kittens and Puppies To Work As Much As Possible

This is the absolute most important tip for being a better business owner! Animals, animals, and more animals. Trust. Us. 

Hopefully you can use some or all of these tips to increase moral and productivity at work, and take that next step to being a more efficient and successful business owner.